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A Random Sample of Sayings
by
HAL


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Business
Science faq.gif 3k Social
Politics


    spinstar.gif 2.6K BUSINESS

  1. o In business, we do not lie; we just stretch the truth.
    -- HAL, just before a black eye. 19991

  2. o I've never understood real estate. The value of my house depreciated the second after that beautiful neighbor of mine moved.
    -- HAL, on neighbors. 1994

  3. o I will hire you and you will hire me. We will both be employed.
    -- HAL, talking to a fellow colleague wwho had just received a pink slip. 1995

  4. o "You must be from (name of a company)," a stranger remarked. "How do you know?" "Because you are running aimlessly in a circle!", came the response.
    -- HAL, accosted by a stranger while joogging on a circular track. 1996

  5. o Doing business without advertising is like kissing a woman in the dark. You have to kiss her, hanky panky a little so that she knows you are interested.
    -- HAL, making suggestion to Director oof Business Development. 1996

  6. o Show a broker a crack, and (s)he will pour a river right through it!"
    -- HAL, commenting on a banker who preyys like a leech on financially unstable companies. 1996

  7. o Tell a broker you want a pony. (S)He will sell you a horse if (s)he had a dead one.
    -- HAL, on brokerage. 1996

  8. o "CEO" stands for "Chief Executing Officer"; "CFO" for "Chief Firing Officer"; and "COO" for "Chief Obdurate Officer".
    -- HAL, overhearing a disgruntled emplooyee commenting on American corporate culture during a sluggish period. 1996

  9. o Mushrooms flourish on cow dungs.
    -- HAL, on people who thrive by pushingg down others. 1996

  10. o Nepotism is, but the royal road to success for those who are spinless.
    -- HAL, criticising a certain corporatiion. 1996

  11. o "Kissing" is a gesture; "kissing up" is a means.
    -- HAL, on climbing corporate ladder. 1996

  12. o Success is when you can hold something in your hand and say "I made it on my own."
    -- HAL, on success. 1996

  13. o The general consensus is that the colors of eyes and hair make a person look beautiful. But let's not forget the color of nose, especially those brown ones.
    -- HAL, on climbing corporate ladder. 1996

  14. o Meetings are rests between coffee breaks for bureaucrats.
    ---HAL, caviling on lengthy meetings thhat run overtime. 1996

  15. o An enterpreneurial young chap came to a incubator to seek help with raising seed funding. The incubator manager immediately asked him for $ 2500 so that they could start stirring the pot.
    ---HAL, on incubator who are supposed tto be experts in fundraising but cannot raise funds for themselves.2000

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    bangjump.gif 3.6K POLITICS

  16. o We should use history as lessons, not excuses.
    -- HAL, commenting on political debatess. 1992

  17. o I once gave a short computer course in Ireland. A listener asked jokingly if chips were edible. I told him they were not made from potatoE, yet.
    -- HAL, jabbing at the then US Vice Preesident Dan Quayle. 1994

  18. o PotatoEs are full of vitamin E, especially those from Dan Quayle's farm.
    -- HAL, commenting on spelling bee.> 1994

  19. o I live very close by San Francisco. When I tell people I am a gay person. They usually think that I am referring to my sexual orientation.
    -- HAL, alluding to the "Don't ask, donn't tell policy" advocated by President Clinton. 1995

  20. o Take a deep breath, and there will be a CIA agent who suspects that you are breathing in Soviet oxygen molecules.
    -- HAL, on the Cold War and the secret agents. 1996

  21. o A blade of grass could very well be a listening device.
    -- HAL, on the CIA. 1996

  22. o In this post Cold War Era, a CIA agent has to justify his/her existence by (de)bugging anything in her/his way.
    -- HAL, on the CIA. 1996

  23. o Interestingly enough, ex-CIA agents are security experts when during the Cold War, what they worried about was insecurity.
    -- HAL's opinion on unemployed ex-CIA aagents. 1996

  24. o When I see a CIA agent, I cannot tell if (s)he is wearing a mask.
    -- HAL, on secret agents' identities. 1996

  25. o We accuse other countries of political propaganda. But we seem to not realize our country is completely polarized into Donkeys and Elephants. So who is propagandaing?
    ---HAL, on political propaganda, Republlicans and Democrats.2000

  26. o Al Gore: The president we never had. George Bush: The second Bush term we never had.
    ---HAL, on the outcome of the 2000 pressidential election.2001

  27. o We struggle for decades to obtain equality so that we can tap into the talents of women. Now our country is so polarized that Democrats whip elephants, and Republicans whip donkeys.
    ---HAL, on the partisan behavior duringg Florida pregnant chad recounts.2001

  28. o The Republicans have a very well-greased machine to expose others. No wonder all Democrats are crooks. Or really who is not a crook.
    ---HAL, on political mug-slinging and bborrowing from Richard Nixon's very well-cited "I am not a crook" at the beginning of the Watergate Investigation.2001

  29. o If the slogan of the Alzheimer's community is "Use it or lose it", then how is Reagan one of the greatest presidents?
    ---HAL, remarked on President's Day Galllop poll.2001

  30. o I sometimes wonder if Reagan can recall his statement "The brain is a great thing to waste"?
    ---HAL, follow-up of the previous remarrk.2001

  31. o We had a brother who is a president-maker. We had another brother who is a presidential-pardon list compiler. The White House is a doghouse.
    ---HAL, on Florida recount and presidenntial pardon.2001

  32. o The younger Bush administration is so reminiscent of the older Bush administration of the late eighties and early nineties, except all the senior members each get a promotion.
    ---HAL, on the new administration cabinnet members.2001

  33. o When the US population recalls the economic depression of the older Bush adminstration a decade ago, and the almost wholesale reappointments of senior cabinet members in the current from the previous, economic depression set in almost as soon as the younger Bush took office.
    ---HAL, commenting on the onset of econnomic slowdown which coincided with G.W. Bush taking office at the White House.2001

  34. o Dick Cheney won the election. George W. Bush assumes the presidency.
    ---HAL, commenting on the Vice Presidennt who had been admitted to a hospital because of a heart problem.2001

  35. o The longest prosperity in US history is squashed between two Bush administrations. The first Bush administration is nothing for the Americans to be proud of. The second has gotten off to a rather dismaying start. Future political historians will have a lot to say about the effectiveness of the Bushes as presidents.
    ---HAL, commenting on the first 60 dayss of the younger Bush administration.2001

  36. o George Bush pissed the Russians off. Now he pisses the Chinese. And the economy sucks. I say we have a recount.
    ---HAL, overheard in front of a TV at aan airport.2001

  37. o The Republican economy policy is: when our country is not doing too well, define an "evil empire" and sell weapons to its neighboring nations to mobilize our economy.
    ---HAL, on the US-Chinese stand-off aftter a US spy plane was forced to land on Hainan.2001

  38. o An instigation gone bad. We are looking for an excuse to sell weapons to mobilize our stagnant economy.
    ---HAL, on the US-Chinese stand-off.2001

  39. o If I used a camcorder to record a collision half way up the sky, of course, the other plane swerved towards us and caused the collision. This is the simple law of physics called frame of reference. Relative to the camcorder and all crew members on board, every thing else is in motion. Had Einstein been in the military, the theory of relativity would never have been discovered.
    ---HAL, commenting on how the US militaary used a video footage to try to convince the US public the opposite party was at fault without a more thorough investigation of the collision between a US spy plane and a Chinese jet.2001

  40. o If you do not know something well, just Bush it. Our president does it best.
    ---HAL, on President Bush's mastery of domestic and international affairs .2001

  41. o As a naturalized US citizen whose mother tongue is NOT English, I am embarrassed by our president.
    ---HAL, on the grammar of Bush during the meeting between President Bush of the US and the South African President in May 2001.2001

  42. o When our president speaks in public, he labors so much with words and grammar that he gets more sympathy than attention!
    ---HAL, on President Bush giving publicc speeches.2001

  43. o Bush calls himself the education president. He needn't have to. He is living proof of the failure of our education system.
    ---HAL, on Bush speaking skill.20011

  44. o It is sometimes quite incomprehensible how Al Gore, a good debater, could lose to Bush, who can hardly speak!
    ---HAL, overheard in San Diego, from soomeone who said the US should have voted for Gore while watching TV.2001

  45. o In this information age, a great leader is one who reacts interactively to information flow and rapidly changing conditions. Only a dictator sticks to his or her plans.
    ---HAL, on good presidency.2001
    >

  46. o George Bush sticks to his campaign plans to the teeth. But so far, no bites.
    ---HAL, on Bush following blindly to hiis plans without any regard to the changing economy.2001

  47. o A riddle: Two former oil executives, one president, one vice president. How many people are there?
    Hint: Oil companies helped put them in the White House. In return, oil companies get to do what they want and hold the country ransom.

    ---HAL, on sudden oil price increase just before Labor Day.2001

  48. o George W. Bush to Osama bin Laden: I am Bush.
    bin Laden: I ambush too.
    Bush: I know, but I am the law, you are the outlaw.

    ---The above conversation is reported tto have occurred, the validity of which cannot be verified. Assuming it really took place, Bush is known not to be quick witted. But there again, we can never misunderestimate Bush.2002

  49. o The White House has now become a Whine House.
    ---HAL.November 2008

  50. o Mark my words:
    What Taiwan went through from 2000 - 2008 is now being played out in the U.S. This is called the Taiwanization of the United States.

    ---HAL on the Taiwanese President Chen Sui-bian's corruption charges.December 2008

  51. o American is a meritocracy country, except when it comes to politics, which is aristocracy. Cases in point: 2000, 2004, and 2008 elections, the one with the most campaign fund won in each case.
    --- HAL on elections in the U.S., 2008

  52. o So far the only changes I have seen are: record fund-raising and record spending during the primaries, and record fund raising and record spending during the presidential campaign.
    --- HAL on the 2008 U.S. presidential election, 2008

  53. o A white man messed it all up. Now they have found a black sheep to blame on.
    --- HAL, overheard on the state of the U.S. economy in December 2008

  54. o When it comes to donations, people hesitate; when it comes to campaign funds, for different personal reasons, people contribute easily; when it comes to tax, people yell and scream to pay. Think about this: for the people, we flush a candidate with all the surplus funds to get elected to spend the tax we loathe to pay; for the candidate, once elected, having been flushed with campaign contribution funds, can only see the treasury as an open chest as experience had told him that money is a means to an end.
    --- HAL on donations, contributions and taxes, 2008

  55. o Bill Clinton was the last elected President of the United States who could truly claim to be the most powerful person on the planet.
    --- HAL on U.S. presidents and foreign influence, 2009

  56. o The White House is now a White pub.
    --- HAL on President Obama, Vice President Biden, and Prof. Henry Louis Gates Jr., and Sgt. James Crowley sitting down for cold beers in the Rose Garden of the White House. The two men were at the center of an uproar over racial profiling, July 30, 2009

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  57. o Once is a fluke; twice is a statistics; and thrice is commonplace.
    -- HAL, making a facetious remark on sttatistics. 1987

  58. o I love people who have one X-chromosome more than I do.
    -- HAL, on women. 1994

  59. o The genes responsible for shopping must be on the X-chromosome and they can't be that difficult to find.
    -- HAL, talking as a geneticist on shoppping. 1995

  60. o Directors are for operas, plays and motion pictures. No wonder our scientific research institute has not been doing too well.
    -- HAL, on downsizing of an institute.< 1995

  61. o The carrier gene must reside on the Y-chromosome. And it is nonrecessive.
    -- HAL, lamenting on having to carry shhopping bags while on a shopping spree in Italy with a female friend. 1995

  62. o I would rather have a good session of sex with my girlfriend than to have her admire my hair day long.
    ---HAL, on the side effect of Propecia,, impotency.2000

  63. o I have long said that intelligence is more than just genes. Otherwise we homo sapiens will be only one-and-a-half times smarter than a C. elegans, the roundworm.
    ---HAL, commenting on the Science and Nature Feb 12, 2001 annoucement that the human genome has 30,000 genes, and the roundworm genome has 20,000 genes.2001

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    coolman.gif 3.6K SOCIAL

  64. o Take a number, 20-fold it, square-root the product, and raise the radical to the third power. And I am still younger than you!
    -- HAL, at a birthday party, overhearinng the host when she was asked how old she was. 1982

  65. o I love to play pranks because I derive pleasure from exposing the helplessness of those who claim authority.
    -- HAL, 1991, in self defense when caugght breaking the security code of a supercomputer institute. 1988

  66. o "I have never drunk a single drop of alcohol in the last thirty-five years.
    -- HAL, during a run-in with a highway patrol officer on his thirtieth birthday. 1989

  67. o I've turned down so many wedding invitations that I'm beginning to wonder if I'll show up at my own wedding.
    -- HAL, after turning down a US-Iraqi wwar veteran's wedding invitation. 1991

  68. o We have different brains, but we are run by the same clock.
    -- HAL, disciplining a university studeent who seemed not to be able to keep appointments. 1991

  69. o Is it inflation or am I watching all this on a big screen TV?
    -- HAL, commenting on prices while watcching a big screen TV. 1993

  70. o The world looks so much better when I lose my contact lenses.
    -- HAL, getting out of bed on the wrongg side. 1993

  71. o English is a strange language: You get up from a duck (to avoid blow); and you get down from a duck (to make a pillow).
    -- HAL, explaining English to one of hiis university students. 1994

  72. o Since I am not famous, I might as well become notorious. Either way, I am well-known.
    -- HAL, when a secretary jokingly accussed him of being nasty. 1994

  73. o A state employee's work is always done by quitting time, no matter what.
    -- HAL, when stopped by someone on his way out. 1994

  74. o As a state employee, I have to pretend that I am busy even when I have nothing to do. On several occasions, my boss has complained that I am a terrible actor.
    -- HAL, during a low productivity periood of his state university career. 1994

  75. o I love women. The only time my nephews help clean up our house is whenever their girlfriends are coming over.
    -- HAL, talking in his capacity as an uuncle. 1994

  76. o When I told him my boss had a cow, he thought I meant he was in the dairy business.
    -- HAL, on slangs. 1994

  77. o When I told him I needed aids to go to college, he thought I was talking about the disease.
    -- HAL, on the rising cost of educationn. 1994

  78. o I told a friend of mine who was hard of hearing he should consider wearing a hearing aid. He accused me of being too direct.
    -- HAL, on the rising cost of medicare.. 1994

  79. o Excuse me, I have my own accent and I am proud of it.
    -- HAL's response when a friend asked iif sometimes a person is judged by his or her accent. 1995

  80. o All mothers love their children. My mother defends my height by saying that I carry too much in my brain.
    -- HAL, talking about his beloved motheer. 1995

  81. o Don't be a quitter. Quit smoking.
    -- HAL, advising a smoker friend who haad been coughing a lot. 1995

  82. o The future tense of "see" is "beat up", like in: I see Helga; I saw Helga; I shall beat up Helga.
    -- HAL, when infuriated by a colleaguee. 1995

  83. o When I told my guests at my birthday party I finally turned forty, they thought I was referring to my waistline.
    -- HAL, joking at an older friend's bigg four O. 1995

  84. o Give me a second and I will do an hour's worth of work.
    -- HAL's response to a superior pesteriing him. 1995

  85. o I once told a friend I was an English Major. He told me he did not know that I served in the British Army. I told him I did not know that that was the only place where English was taught.
    -- HAL, on miscommunication. 1995

  86. o O.J. comes in two forms: one that is a beverage; the other that is a football superstar.
    -- HAL, at a commercial during O.J. Simmpson's trial. 1995

  87. o All charlatans are experts; not all experts are charlatans.
    -- HAL, on empty vessels. 1996

  88. o I got lost on my way to the wedding.
    -- HAL, when asked why he was still sinngle. 1996

  89. o People sue so much that I have decided to marry no one other than Sue so that she can have the name "Sue HAL" after our wedding.
    -- HAL, on the American legal system. 1996

  90. o If God has meant us to be tough, He would have woven our hair into a helmet.
    -- HAL, telling off a friend who tried to act macho. 1996

  91. o I am multilingual. I speak English with a French accent; French with a German accent; German with a Malaysian accent; Malaysian with a Mandarin accent; Mandarin with a Spanish accent; and Spanish with an English accent.
    ---HAL, on his accent. 1997

  92. o Safety is no accident. It comes with considerate driving.
    ---HAL, on driving with courtesy. 11997

  93. o The fortune cookie says "A wise man knows everything, a shrewd man knows everybody." This is sad. I am a shrewd wise man!
    ---HAL, overheard in a Chinese restauraant.1997

  94. o Another fortune cookie says "You will spend old age in comfort and material wealth." But why am I eating Chinese take-outs.
    ---HAL, overheard at the same restaurannt, at the take-out counter.1997

  95. o My auto insurance company paid $5000 for my lower lumbar injury, and $12,000 to fix my sports car. Be dead and reincarnated into a sports car.
    ---HAL, after being broadsided by an irrresponsible cellular phone user.1998

  96. o The muscles developed from the ballroom Cuban motions are keeping my back together.
    ---HAL, joking to a physical therapist during a treatment session.1998

  97. o I have a split personality. When I was a faculty at a university, I was better known as a racketball player. Now I am a senior executive, but I am a better known ballroom dancer.
    ---HAL, at a ballroom floor.1999

  98. o We each die only once. Look forward to it.
    ---HAL, jabbing at a cowardly colleaguee.2001

  99. o We are a great family. We have ten brothers and sisters. My mom is greater, She had us and raised us to adulthood.
    ---HAL, on Mother's Day.2001

  100. o You know you and partner are an odd couple when you stand in a queue and the ushering waitress asks, "Table for one?", and you have to correct her by saying "No, for two, please."
    ---HAL, in a line waiting to be seated at a very busy restaurant in San Diego.2001

  101. o At 20 years of age the will reigns; at 30 the wit; at 40 the judgment. How come I did not experience any of these?
    ---HAL, overheard at a Chinese restauraant, from someone who just had his fortune cookies.2001

  102. o I used to enjoy life. Now I treasure life.
    ---HAL, talking about some of the wildeest things he had done when he was younger.2001

  103. o I wanted to be an attorney-in-law, so I married an attorney-at-law.
    ---HAL, joking with an attorney at a diinner table.2001

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SAME STUFF - IN CHRONOLOGICAL ORDER

  1. o Take a number, 20-fold it, square-root the product, and raise the radical to the third power. And I am still younger than you!
    -- HAL, at a birthday party, overhearinng the host when she was asked how old she was. 1982

  2. o Once is a fluke; twice is a statistics; and thrice is commonplace.
    -- HAL, making a facetious remark on sttatistics. 1987

  3. o I love to play pranks because I derive pleasure from exposing the helplessness of those who claim authority.
    -- HAL, 1991, in self defense when caugght breaking the security code of a supercomputer institute. 1988

  4. o "I have never drunk a single drop of alcohol in the last thirty-five years."
    -- HAL, during a run-in with a highway patrol officer on his thirtieth birthday. 1989

  5. o In business, we do not lie; we just stretch the truth.
    -- HAL, just before a black eye. 19991

  6. o I've turned down so many wedding invitations that I'm beginning to wonder if I'll show up at my own wedding.
    -- HAL, after turning down a US-Iraqi wwar veteran's wedding invitation. 1991

  7. o We have different brains, but we are run by the same clock.
    -- HAL, disciplining a university studeent who seemed not to be able to keep appointments. 1991

  8. o We should use history as lessons, not excuses.
    -- HAL, commenting on political debatess. 1992

  9. o Is it inflation or am I watching all this on a big screen TV?
    -- HAL, commenting on prices while watcching a big screen TV. 1993

  10. o The world looks so much better when I lose my contact lenses.
    -- HAL, getting out of bed on the wrongg side. 1993

  11. o English is a strange language: You get up from a duck (to avoid blow); and you get down from a duck (to make a pillow).
    -- HAL, explaining English to one of hiis university students. 1994

  12. o Since I am not famous, I might as well become notorious. Either way, I am well-known.
    -- HAL, when a secretary jokingly accussed him of being nasty. 1994

  13. o A state employee's work is always done by quitting time, no matter what.
    -- HAL, when stopped by someone on his way out. 1994

  14. o As a state employee, I have to pretend that I am busy even when I have nothing to do. On several occasions, my boss has complained that I am a terrible actor.
    -- HAL, during a low productivity periood of his state university career. 1994

  15. o I've never understood real estate. The value of my house depreciated the second after that beautiful neighbor of mine moved.
    -- HAL, on neighbors. 1994

  16. o I love women. The only time my nephews help clean up our house is whenever their girlfriends are coming over.
    -- HAL, talking in his capacity as an uuncle. 1994

  17. o When I told him my boss had a cow, he thought I meant he was in the dairy business.
    -- HAL, on slangs. 1994

  18. o When I told him I needed aids to go to college, he thought I was talking about the disease.
    -- HAL, on the rising cost of educationn. 1994

  19. o I told a friend of mine who was hard of hearing he should consider wearing a hearing aid. He accused me of being too direct.
    -- HAL, on the rising cost of medicare.. 1994

  20. o I once gave a short computer course in Ireland. A listener asked jokingly if chips were edible. I told him they were not made from potatoE, yet.
    -- HAL, jabbing at the then US Vice Preesident Dan Quayle. 1994

  21. o PotatoEs are full of vitamin E, especially those from Dan Quayle's farm.
    -- HAL, commenting on spelling bee.> 1994

  22. o I love people who have one X-chromosome more than I do.
    -- HAL, on women. 1994

  23. o The genes responsible for shopping must be on the X-chromosome and they can't be that difficult to find.
    -- HAL, talking as a geneticist on shoppping. 1995

  24. o I will hire you and you will hire me. We will both be employed.
    -- HAL, talking to a fellow colleague wwho had just received a pink slip. 1995

  25. o Excuse me, I have my own accent and I am proud of it.
    -- HAL's response when a friend asked iif sometimes a person is judged by his or her accent. 1995

  26. o All mothers love their children. My mother defends my height by saying that I carry too much in my brain.
    -- HAL, talking about his beloved motheer. 1995

  27. o Don't be a quitter. Quit smoking.
    -- HAL, advising a smoker friend who haad been coughing a lot. 1995

  28. o The future tense of "see" is "beat up", like in: I see Helga; I saw Helga; I shall beat up Helga.
    -- HAL, when infuriated by a colleaguee. 1995

  29. o When I told my guests at my birthday party I finally turned forty, they thought I was referring to my waistline.
    -- HAL, joking at an older friend's bigg four O. 1995

  30. o Give me a second and I will do an hour's worth of work.
    -- HAL's response to a superior pesteriing him. 1995

  31. o Directors are for operas, plays and motion pictures. No wonder our scientific research institute has not been doing too well.
    -- HAL, on downsizing of an institute.< 1995

  32. o I once told a friend I was an English Major. He told me he did not know that I served in the British Army. I told him I did not know that that was the only place where English was taught.
    -- HAL, on miscommunication. 1995

  33. o O.J. comes in two forms: one that is a beverage; the other that is a football superstar.
    -- HAL, at a commercial during O.J. Simmpson's trial. 1995

  34. o The carrier gene must reside on the Y-chromosome. And it is nonrecessive.
    -- HAL, lamenting on having to carry shhopping bags while on a shopping spree in Italy with a female friend. 1995

  35. o I live very close by San Francisco. When I tell people I am a gay person. They usually think that I am referring to my sexual orientation.
    -- HAL, alluding to the "Don't ask, donn't tell policy" advocated by President Clinton. 1995

  36. o "You must be from (name of a company)," a stranger remarked. "How do you know?" "Because you are running aimlessly in a circle!", came the response.
    -- HAL, accosted by a stranger while joogging on a circular track. 1996

  37. o Doing business without advertising is like kissing a woman in the dark. You have to kiss her, hanky panky a little so that she knows you are interested.
    -- HAL, making suggestion to Director oof Business Development. 1996

  38. o Show a broker a crack, and (s)he will pour a river right through it!"
    -- HAL, commenting on a banker who preyys like a leech on financially unstable companies. 1996

  39. o Tell a broker you want a pony. (S)He will sell you a horse if (s)he had a dead one.
    -- HAL, on brokerage. 1996

  40. o "CEO" stands for "Chief Executing Officer"; "CFO" for "Chief Firing Officer"; and "COO" for "Chief Obdurate Officer".
    -- HAL, overhearing a disgruntled emplooyee commenting on American corporate culture during a sluggish period. 1996

  41. o All charlatans are experts; not all experts are charlatans.
    -- HAL, on empty vessels. 1996

  42. o I got lost on my way to the wedding.
    -- HAL, when asked why he was still sinngle. 1996

  43. o Take a deep breath, and there will be a CIA agent who suspects that you are breathing in Soviet oxygen molecules.
    -- HAL, on the Cold War and the secret agents. 1996

  44. o A blade of grass could very well be a listening device.
    -- HAL, on the CIA. 1996

  45. o In this post Cold War Era, a CIA agent has to justify his/her existence by (de)bugging anything in her/his way.
    -- HAL, on the CIA. 1996

  46. o Interestingly enough, ex-CIA agents are security experts when during the Cold War, what they worried about was insecurity.
    -- HAL's opinion on unemployed ex-CIA aagents. 1996

  47. o When I see a CIA agent, I cannot tell if (s)he is wearing a mask.
    -- HAL, on secret agents' identities. 1996

  48. o Mushrooms flourish on cow dungs.
    -- HAL, on people who thrive by pushingg down others. 1996

  49. o Nepotism is, but the royal road to success for those who are spinless.
    -- HAL, criticising a certain corporatiion. 1996

  50. o "Kissing" is a gesture; "kissing up" is a means.
    -- HAL, on climbing corporate ladder. 1996

  51. o Success is when you can hold something in your hand and say "I made it on my own."
    -- HAL, on success. 1996

  52. o The general consensus is that the colors of eyes and hair make a person look beautiful. But let's not forget the color of nose, especially those brown ones.
    -- HAL, on climbing corporate ladder. 1996

  53. o People sue so much that I have decided to marry no one other than Sue so that she can have the name "Sue HAL" after our wedding.
    -- HAL, on the American legal system. 1996

  54. o If God has meant us to be tough, He would have woven our hair into a helmet.
    -- HAL, telling off a friend who tried to act macho. 1996

  55. o Meetings are rests between coffee breaks for bureaucrats.
    ---HAL, caviling on lengthy meetings thhat run overtime. 1996

  56. o I am multilingual. I speak English with a French accent; French with a German accent; German with a Malaysian accent; Malaysian with a Mandarin accent; Mandarin with a Spanish accent; and Spanish with an English accent.
    ---HAL, on his accent. 1997

  57. o Safety is no accident. It comes with considerate driving.
    ---HAL, on driving with courtesy. 11997

  58. o The fortune cookie says "A wise man knows everything, a shrewd man knows everybody." This is sad. I am a shrewd wise man!
    ---HAL, overheard in a Chinese restauraant.1997

  59. o Another fortune cookie says "You will spend old age in comfort and material wealth." But why am I eating Chinese take-outs.
    ---HAL, overheard at the same restaurannt, at the take-out counter.1997

  60. o My auto insurance company paid $5000 for my lower lumbar injury, and $12,000 to fix my sports car. Be dead and reincarnated into a sports car.
    ---HAL, after being broadsided by an irrresponsible cellular phone user.1998

  61. o The muscles developed from the ballroom Cuban motions are keeping my back together.
    ---HAL, joking to a physical therapist during a treatment session.1998

  62. o I have a split personality. When I was a faculty at a university, I was better known as a racketball player. Now I am a senior executive, but I am a better known ballroom dancer.
    ---HAL, at a ballroom floor.1999

  63. o An enterpreneurial young chap came to a incubator to seek help with raising seed funding. The incubator manager immediately asked him for $ 2500 so that they could start stirring the pot.
    ---HAL, on incubator who are supposed tto be experts in fundraising but cannot raise funds for themselves.2000

  64. o I would rather have a good session of sex with my girlfriend than to have her admire my hair day long.
    ---HAL, on the side effect of Propecia,, impotency.2000

  65. o We accuse other countries of political propaganda. But we seem to not realize our country is completely polarized into Donkeys and Elephants. So who is propagandaing?
    ---HAL, on political propaganda, Republlicans and Democrats.2000

  66. o Al Gore: The president we never had. George Bush: The second Bush term we never had.
    ---HAL, on the outcome of the 2000 pressidential election.2001

  67. o We struggle for decades to obtain equality so that we can tap into the talents of women. Now our country is so polarized that Democrats whip elephants, and Republicans whip donkeys.
    ---HAL, on the partisan behavior duringg Florida pregnant chad recounts.2001

  68. o The Republicans have a very well-greased machine to expose others. No wonder all Democrats are crooks. Or really who is not a crook.
    ---HAL, on political mug-slinging and bborrowing from Richard Nixon's very well-cited "I am not a crook" at the beginning of the Watergate Investigation.2001

  69. o If the slogan of the Alzheimer's community is "Use it or lose it", then how is Reagan one of the greatest presidents?
    ---HAL, remarked on President's Day Galllop poll.2001

  70. o I sometimes wonder if Reagan can recall his statement "The brain is a great thing to waste"?
    ---HAL, follow-up of the previous remarrk.2001

  71. o We had a brother who is a president-maker. We had another brother who is a presidential-pardon list compiler. The White House is a doghouse.
    ---HAL, on Florida recount and presidenntial pardon.2001

  72. o I have long said that intelligence is more than just genes. Otherwise we homo sapiens will be only one-and-a-half times smarter than a C. elegans, the roundworm.
    ---HAL, commenting on the Science and NNature Feb 12, 2001 annoucement that the human genome has 30,000 genes, and the roundworm genome has 20,000 genes.2001

  73. o The younger Bush administration is so reminiscent of the older Bush administration of the late eighties and early nineties, except all the senior members each get a promotion.
    ---HAL, on the new administration cabinnet members.2001

  74. o When the US population recalls the economic depression of the older Bush adminstration a decade ago, and the almost wholesale reappointments of senior cabinet members in the current from the previous, economic depression set in almost as soon as the younger Bush took office.
    ---HAL, commenting on the onset of econnomic slowdown which coincided with G.W. Bush taking office at the White House.2001

  75. o Dick Cheney won the election. George W. Bush assumes the presidency.
    ---HAL, commenting on the Vice Presidennt who had been admitted to a hospital because of a heart problem.2001

  76. o The longest prosperity in US history is squashed between two Bush administrations. The first Bush administration is nothing for the Americans to be proud of. The second has gotten off to a rather dismaying start. Future political historians will have a lot to say about the effectiveness of the Bushes as presidents.
    ---HAL, commenting on the first 60 dayss of the younger Bush administration.2001

  77. o George Bush pissed the Russians off. Now he pisses the Chinese. And the economy sucks. I say we have a recount.
    ---HAL, overheard in front of a TV at an airport.2001

  78. o The Republican economy policy is: when our country is not doing too well, define an "evil empire" and sell weapons to its neighboring nations to mobilize our economy.
    ---HAL, on the US-Chinese stand-off aftter a US spy plane was forced to land on Hainan.2001

  79. o An instigation gone bad. We are looking for an excuse to sell weapons to mobilize our stagnant economy.
    ---HAL, on the US-Chinese stand-off.2001

  80. o If we used a camcorder to record a collision half way up the sky, of course, the other plane swerved towards us and caused the collision. This is the simple law of physics called frame of reference. Relative to the camcorder and all crew members on board, every thing else is in motion. Had Einstein been in the military, the theory of relativity would never have been discovered.
    ---HAL, commenting on how the US militaary used a video footage to try to convince the US public the opposite party was at fault without a more thorough investigation of the collision between a US spy plane and a Chinese jet.2001

  81. o We each die only once. Look forward to it.
    ---HAL, jabbing at a cowardly colleaguee.2001

  82. o We are a great family. We have ten brothers and sisters. My mom is greater, She had us and raised us to adulthood.
    ---HAL, on Mother's Day.2001

  83. o You know you and partner are an odd couple when you stand in a queue and the ushering waitress asks, "Table for one?", and you have to correct her by saying "No, for two, please."
    ---HAL, in a line waiting to be seated at a very busy restaurant in San Diego.2001

  84. o If you do not know something well, just Bush it. Our president does it best.
    ---HAL, on President Bush's mastery of domestic and international affairs .2001

  85. o As a naturalized US citizen whose mother tongue is NOT English, I am embarrassed by our president.
    ---HAL, on the grammar of Bush during the meeting between President Bush of the US and the South African President in May 2001.2001

  86. o When our president speaks in public, he labors so much with words and grammar that he gets more sympathy than attention!
    ---HAL, on President Bush giving publicc speeches.2001

  87. o Bush calls himself the education president. He needn't have to. He is living proof of the failure of our education system.
    ---HAL, on Bush speaking skill.20011

  88. o It is sometimes quite incomprehensible how Al Gore, a good debater, could lose to Bush, who can hardly speak!
    ---HAL, overheard in San Diego, from soomeone who said the US should have voted for Gore while watching TV.2001

  89. o At 20 years of age the will reigns; at 30 the wit; at 40 the judgment. How come I did not experience any of these?
    ---HAL, overheard at a Chinese restaurant, from someone who just had his fortune cookies.2001

  90. o I used to enjoy life. Now I treasure life.
    ---HAL, talking about some of the wildeest things he had done when he was younger.2001

  91. o In this information age, a great leader is one who reacts interactively to information flow and rapidly changing conditions. Only a dictator sticks to his or her plans.
    ---HAL, on good presidency.2001
    >

  92. o George Bush sticks to his campaign plans to the teeth. But so far, no bites.
    ---HAL, on Bush following blindly to hiis plans without any regard to the changing economy.2001

  93. o A riddle: Two former oil executives, one president, one vice president. How many people are there?
    Hint: Oil companies helped put them in the White House. In return, oil companies get to do what they want and hold the country ransom.

    ---HAL, on sudden oil price increase juust before Labor Day.2001

  94. o I wanted to be an attorney-in-law, so I married an attorney-at-law.
    ---HAL, joking with an attorney at a diinner table.2001

  95. o George W. Bush to Osama bin Laden: I am Bush.
    bin Laden: I ambush too.
    Bush: I know, but I am the law, you are the outlaw.

    ---The above conversation is reported tto have occurred, the validity of which cannot be verified. Assuming it really took place, Bush is known not to be quick witted. But there again, we can never misunderestimate Bush.2002

  96. o The White House has now become a Whine House.
    ---HAL.November 2008

  97. o Mark my words:
    What Taiwan went through from 2000 - 2008 is now being played out in the U.S. This is called the Taiwanization of the United States.

    ---HAL on the Taiwanese President Chen Sui-bian's corruption charges.December 2008

  98. o American is a meritocracy country, except when it comes to politics, which is aristocracy. Cases in point: 2000, 2004, and 2008 elections, the one with the most campaign fund won in each case.
    --- HAL on elections in the U.S., 2008

  99. o So far the only changes I have seen are: record fund-raising and record spending during the primaries, and record fund raising and record spending during the presidential campaign.
    --- HAL on the 2008 U.S. presidential election, 2008

  100. o A white man messed it all up. Now they have found a black sheep to blame on.
    --- HAL, overheard on the state of the U.S. economy in December 2008

  101. o When it comes to donations, people hesitate; when it comes to campaign funds, for different personal reasons, people contribute easily; when it comes to tax, people yell and scream to pay. Think about this: for the people, we flush a candidate with all the surplus funds to get elected to spend the tax we loathe to pay; for the candidate, once elected, having been flushed with campaign contribution funds, can only see the treasury as an open chest as experience had told him that money is a means to an end.
    --- HAL on donations, contributions and taxes, 2008

  102. o Bill Clinton was the last elected President of the United States who could truly claim to be the most powerful person on the planet.
    --- HAL on U.S. presidents and foreign influence, 2009

  103. o The White House is now a White pub.
    --- HAL on President Obama, Vice President Biden, and Prof. Henry Louis Gates Jr., and Sgt. James Crowley sitting down for cold beers in the Rose Garden of the White House. The two men were at the center of an uproar over racial profiling, July 30, 2009


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